Coherence, part 3

Coherence

Coherence, part 2

A transitional idea is missing

Example:

Poor coherence: The reader can only guess at the meaning of “red light.”

From the moment an elevator delivers a tray loaded with a half-made computer until the moment the elevator returns to take the tray back to the overhead conveyor line, a worker has only one to three minutes to install his or her components. Since Dell’s success depends at least as much on the efficiency of its processes as on the quality of its product, nothing is dreaded more than a red light.

Better coherence; missing transitional idea restored

From the moment an elevator delivers a tray loaded with a half-made computer until the moment the elevator returns to take the tray back to the overhead conveyor line, a worker has only one to three minutes to install his or her components. Drop goggles in the elevator gearing and the light atop the workstation will flick from green to red. Since Dell’s success depends at least as much on the efficiency of its processes as on the quality of its product, nothing is dreaded more than a red light. [1]

Links:

Writing Transitions

Further Reading:

In Writing Clearly: An Editing Guide (2nd edition), see page 278-280

In Read, Write, Edit: Grammar for College Writers, see page 187,189

Coherence, part 3

Combine paragraphs

Links:

Further Reading:

In Writing Clearly: An Editing Guide (2nd edition), see page 278-280

In Read, Write, Edit: Grammar for College Writers, see page 189

Coherence, part 4

Combine sentences

Two or more statements should often be combined into one complex sentence. For example, we often combine statements into complex sentences in order to prevent old ideas, or minor details being stated as whole sentences. For another example, we often combine statements in a such a way that the paragraph is subdivided into logical divisions—one sentence per sub-topic. New ideas and major details should be stated as main (independent) clauses, while old ideas or minor details should be stated as dependent phrases or dependent clauses.

Not correct:

In 1941, A. F. Osborne originated brainstorming. The advertising profession used it extensively. Osborne was a member of the advertising profession.

Correct:

In 1941, A. F. Osborne originated brainstorming. The advertising profession, of which he was a member, used it extensively. (Source: Gerard I. Nierenberg (1996), The Art of Creative Thinking. Pages 195-196.)

Explanation:

The idea “Osborne was a member of the advertising profession” is a minor detail. “The advertising profession used brainstorming extensively” is a major detail.

Links:

Coherence

Further Reading:

In Writing Clearly: An Editing Guide (2nd edition), see page 278-280

In Read, Write, Edit: Grammar for College Writers, see page 27-32

Coherence, part 5

Off topic

The paragraph should keep the reader focused on a single topic and controlling idea. Peripheral details, of course, keep the reader interested and entertained. But such details should be packaged as dependent clauses or dependent phrases. And the writer should watch for details that fit better into another paragraph elsewhere in the text.

Not correct:

Throughout most of American history, kids generally didn’t go to high school. School trains children to be employees and consumers. Yet the unschooled rose to be admirals, like Farragut; inventors, like Edison; captains of industry like Carnegie and Rockefeller; writers, like Melville and Twain and Conrad; and even scholars, like Margaret Mead.

Correct:

Throughout most of American history, kids generally didn’t go to high school, yet the unschooled rose to be admirals, like Farragut; inventors, like Edison; captains of industry like Carnegie and Rockefeller; writers, like Melville and Twain and Conrad; and even scholars, like Margaret Mead. [2]

Explanation:

The underlined part is off topic. The writer actually saved this sentence for another paragraph in his essay.

Links:

Further Reading:

In Writing Clearly: An Editing Guide (2nd edition), see page 278-280

Coherence, part 6

Put old information before new

When you introduce a new topic, put the new topic at the end of a sentence. When you add a new thought about an old topic, put the old topic at the beginning of a sentence. In the following diagram, a rectangle represents a sentence, and a circle represents a continuous topic.

Example:

Of all the technologies, perhaps the most disruptive for individuals is the personal computer.

The computer is really an infrastructure, even though today we treat it as the end object. [3]

Links:

Further Reading:

In Writing Clearly: An Editing Guide (2nd edition), see pages 278-280

In Read, Write, Edit: Grammar for College Writers, see pages 27-32

Coherence, part 7

Paragraph is too long

Links:

Further Reading:

In Writing Clearly: An Editing Guide (2nd edition), see pages 278-280

In Read, Write, Edit: Grammar for College Writers, see page 189

Coherence, part 8

Paragraphs are in the wrong order

Links:

Further Reading:

In Writing Clearly: An Editing Guide (2nd edition), see pages 278-280

In Read, Write, Edit: Grammar for College Writers, see page 189

Coherence, part 9

Your sentence is too long

A sentence may be too long when you are trying to feed too much new information to the reader at once.

Examples:

Too long:	Scientists call the total amount of plant mass created by Earth in a given year, the total budget for life, the planet’s “primary productivity.”
Better (broken up into two sentences):	Scientists have a name for the total amount of plant mass created by Earth in a given year, the total budget for life. They call it the planet’s “primary productivity.”

Links:

Further Reading:

In Writing Clearly: An Editing Guide (2nd edition), see pages 278-280

In Read, Write, Edit: Grammar for College Writers, see pages 27-32

Coherence, part 10

Sentences are in the wrong order

Links:

Further Reading:

In Writing Clearly: An Editing Guide (2nd edition), see pages 278-280

In Read, Write, Edit: Grammar for College Writers, see pages 27-32

Coherence, part 11

Start a new paragraph here

Links:

Further Reading:

In Writing Clearly: An Editing Guide (2nd edition), see pages 278-280

In Read, Write, Edit: Grammar for College Writers, see page 189

Coherence, part 12

Start a new sentence here

Links: